Celebrate Recovery: Pentecostalism

Guilt. Legalism. Two addictions I've battled for longer than I care to admit. Two addictions that have damaged me more than I realize. From begging God's forgiveness countless times a day for any negative thought, to asking God to "sanctify" any evil in any inanimate object (door knobs, pens, etc.) or animate being (other people, animals, my own fingers!) that I happened to be in contact with, that I "infected", while having said negative thoughts. Crazy? Ya, I've been there. All in the fear of losing my salvation and missing the rapture at any moment. ( Sings: Wish we'd all been ready.)

To be honest I don't know exactly where or when it started. I was born into a pentecostal family, raised in the Church of God. I was happy as a kid, free. Getting into the rambunctious sort of mischief that boys tend to get into. But in my teenage years I began taking God more seriously. I began moving towards a self-wrought holiness, a deriding myself of all "worldly" things that could separate me from God. (i.e. secular music, even Christian music that wasn't "Christian" enough.) Around the age of nineteen are when things started to take a more serious turn. I felt compelled to share my faith out of fear of judgment. I bought tracks to place in public restrooms and anywhere else I felt compelled. I recall one particular instance of witnessing to a temp at my place of employment on his last day as he was literally walking out the door because I felt it was my last opportunity to save him from hell. So I went to hand him a track and he says " No thanks." as he pulls his necklace out of his shirt to show me a medallion. I say "What's that?" Unable to decipher the small medallion's image. "It's a Buddha." he says. "Oh, well have a good one." That's right, I never even got to know the guy before I felt compelled to thrust my faith at him with a track. It was around this time when the severe legalism I described earlier began to surface.

The heaviest legalism lasted maybe a year until by God's grace I just stopped caring. I knew I couldn't do it anymore. He brought friends into my life who had a better understanding of what grace was and it rubbed off on me. I was slowly able to let go of my more severe habits. I still struggle with legalism, trying to earn my grace from God. But in the past year he has really shown me what his grace really means. That I don't have to do anything for him to love me, he takes me as I am. That only through the power of the Holy Spirit I can be any less of a mess than I am. My heart just need be open to him.

I know Pentecostals are not the only believers that struggle with legalism. Nor am i trying to place the blame solely on it. To a certain extent this addiction has to do with my personality make-up. I also know every Pentecostal doesn't struggle with legalism. But I think the potential is there. A message that is many times geared towards good works combined with emphasis on spiritual warfare can lead to a dependence on one's hard-earned efforts for salvation. Shadowing the fact that grace is free in the first place.

dig it.